Amid the hurt, all I could think of was what a waste of time! Because of my past experiences I go into any friendship with a lot of walls. I've been hurt too many times in the past to just waltz into a friendship without some protection. They have to gain my trust and friendship. This "friend" had gained my trust--I had let the walls come down between us...only to be stabbed in the back when she had the chance.
The thing that makes it so irritating is that you don't expect the same silly tactics used by elementary and high school kids still being used in adulthood. This is what galls me--when do people grow up?! These stupid games people play are aggravating!
If that weren't bad enough, I also had a guy that I was interested in give me the brush off the same week. Although we had never dated, we had gotten quite close through emailing each other back and forth--in the beginning it was a least once a day. I really liked the guy--we had almost everything in common (which is very uncommon for me considering my interests and values). And instead of just coming right out and saying that he doesn't think it will work out, he sends me mixed messages--until last week. If that was a "hint" it was a very loud one. When all he could say was "hello"...and nothing more...that's when I knew.
I wouldn't say I'm slow at reading the signs--I just try to believe the best of people and give them the benefit of the doubt. Usually that means I end up getting hurt in the end.
So how did I come out of the hurt of last week? I lost myself in good music--music that really spoke to me in my situation. Here are the lyrics to a particular song that really encouraged me:
Jesus Will Still Be There
Words by Robert Sterling/Music by John Mandeville
***
Things change, Plans fail
You look for love on a grander scale
Storms rise, Hopes fade
And you place your bets on another day
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough
***
(Chorus)
Jesus will still be there
His love will never change
Sure as the steady rain
Jesus will still be there
When no one else is true
He'll still be loving you
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there
***
Time flies, Hearts turn
A little bit wiser from lessons learned
But sometimes, Weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough
***
(Repeat Chorus) (2x)
***
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there
***
In my brokenness, I found true joy--knowing that God sees what I'm going through and cares about it. That's the hope I cling to. Only God is perfect. Humans will always let you down--but He won't. I don't need to put any walls up when I come before God--He already knows, and I already trust Him. That's true freedom! And it brings true joy in the midst of the pain! ;)
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